THE ROSTER

“I’m up and I’m staying up!”

The most rigid commander to ever hit the barracks! Major Wood is a “hard-line” strategist who believes if it isn’t standing tall, it isn’t ready for combat. Famous for his massive hardware and a “thrust-first” tactical approach, he remains unbent despite a discharge for “camouflaging his long-range sensor” in public restrooms. He refuses to sit, claiming “softness is a security risk,” making him the firmest — and most confused — soldier in the field!

• RIG · Ultra-Rigidity98
• INT · Innuendo Intensity85
• FRC · Friction Force40
• GIR · Tactical Girth92

“Requesting immediate boarding!”

The Rear Admiral is a precision logistics specialist perpetually seeking a fresh port for his heavy cargo. Having been at sea so long he’s forgotten how “land-lubbers” talk, he focuses exclusively on finding a sturdy vessel for immediate boarding. Whether conducting a deep-water depth check or forcing entry into a tight dock, the Admiral won’t drop anchor until his massive displacement is fully secured and his cargo is successfully offloaded.

• RIG · Ultra-Rigidity90
• INT · Innuendo Intensity94
• FRC · Friction Force55
• GIR · Tactical Girth88

“I’m here for the big project. Heavy tool ready.”

Hanky knows a solid foundation is the key to a job well done. He’s got the biggest tools in the business and loves pounding away until the whole ground starts shaking. He’s the first guy you call when you need some serious pipe laid. Sure, he’s been in trouble for “polishing his hammer” on company time, but he just takes a lot of pride in his hardware. He’s used to handling things that are way too big for most, but he’s always got the right tool for the job!

• RIG · Ultra-Rigidity96
• INT · Innuendo Intensity80
• FRC · Friction Force70
• GIR · Tactical Girth94

“You can’t pin what you can’t grab.”

Slick Willy is so heavily oiled he’s impossible to pin and always ready for a slippery encounter. A tactical master of the mat, he wins by being far too slick for any opponent to handle. He spends hours applying high-grade industrial lubricants to his glistening PVC skin. Banned from major arenas for “hazardous leakage,” he specialises in high-speed, zero-friction entries and high-gloss finishes.

• RIG · Ultra-Rigidity90
• INT · Innuendo Intensity95
• FRC · Friction Force08
• GIR · Tactical Girth82

“The Python is hungry.”

Don’t let the soft texture fool you; this serpent is as rigid as they come. Clad in skin-tight velvet and high-gloss snakeskin, he is a master of “coiled” positions and unyielding “choking” holds. A charismatic “animal expert” obsessed with “long, tubular specimens,” he utilises a “smooth approach” for maximum constriction. Whether he’s hunting in the ring or posing with his findings, he won’t release his grip until the target is completely overwhelmed by his high-torque wrap!

• RIG · Ultra-Rigidity94
• INT · Innuendo Intensity91
• FRC · Friction Force65
• GIR · Tactical Girth95

“A firm hold on the situation.”

The Grip is a blue-eyed powerhouse who specialises in full-body contact and manual handling. Known for his stiff, unyielding holds from every angle, he might claim to be a “big softie,” but once he wraps himself around you and starts the squeeze, there’s no release until he’s completely finished. He takes pride in his all-night endurance and his ability to stay firmly attached to any target until the job is done. He’s always ready to mount the opposition and keep a firm hold on the situation!

• RIG · Ultra-Rigidity88
• INT · Innuendo Intensity82
• FRC · Friction Force92
• GIR · Tactical Girth90