THE STORY
Stiff Competition is six characters and their stories.
Major Wood, The Rear Admiral, Hammerin’ Hanky, The Grip, Slick Willy and The Velvet Python. Six action figures from 1994, taking on 2026 with absolute confidence and no idea what any of it is.
The characters come first. Everything else here exists to serve them.
Where it came from
Three used action figures, no packaging, a pound for the lot. Bought on a Wednesday afternoon on the way to the pub.
The photos were phone snaps, taken in the pub. The figures had ended up in poses so lifelike, and so loaded with innuendo, that the idea arrived fully formed.
The originals were copyrighted brands, so they couldn’t be used. Six new characters were built instead, which turned out to be the better outcome. Nothing here is borrowed.
How it got made
No team, no studio, no investors. The artwork, the shop, the blockchain side, the code — months of learning every bit of it from nothing.
What you get
Most of it costs nothing.
The six turn up every day on social, dealing with 2026 and getting it wrong with total confidence. Free to follow, free forever, and the reason most people are here.
There are wallpapers and screensavers for your desk, and e-cards and calendars to send to people who won’t be expecting them. Also free.
The merch
Mugs, shirts, hoodies, journals, prints. Made and shipped when you order — so something daft is in your hand at eight in the morning, before the day starts properly.
The art
Original digital art, and every piece is the only one of itself. Registered to you when you buy it — permanently and publicly yours to keep, show off, or sell on.
Once a piece is gone, it’s gone.
Physical figures
None exist yet. Enough people have asked that there’s now a waiting list — join it and you’ll hear first if it happens.
The tone
The comedy is in the collision. Six figures moulded in 1994 into a permanent state of readiness, meeting a world that has moved on without them. Self-checkout. Flat-pack furniture. Everything going contactless.
They take all of it entirely seriously. That’s what makes it funny.
The names are jokes. The descriptions are jokes. It runs on innuendo from top to bottom, and that is very much the point.
About the name
In English, “stiff competition” means the opposition is tough. Hard to beat. The competition is stiff.
It also means exactly what you think it means.
That’s the whole joke, and it’s the reason everything here exists.
So no, they’re not competing with each other. There’s no tournament and no fight. They’re the competition — the six you’d be up against, standing there, entirely unbothered.
It doesn’t translate. Nearly every language has a phrase for tough rivals, but the word won’t also mean rigid, so half of it falls away the moment it leaves English. We’ve made peace with that.
The backstory
There’s a full fiction behind the characters — a cancelled 1994 toy line, a company called RIGID-DYNE, thirty-two years sealed in storage. Seven surviving documents, a glossary, and the record of what happened to them.
Where this stands
Launched in 2026. One collection, built from nothing over a matter of months.
The blockchain record and the work itself are public, and all of it can be checked.