How long does physical merchandise take to arrive?

Physical items (mugs, t-shirts, hoodies, totes, prints) are custom-made to order through regional print-on-demand fulfillment. Allow 2–5 business days for production, then 3–7 business days transit once it ships — you'll get a tracking link by email the moment it's dispatched.

Do I have to pay customs or import fees?

Usually not. Orders route automatically to the closest regional fulfillment center to you (UK, USA, Canada, Europe, Australia, or New Zealand), so most orders within those markets don't incur international customs fees or import duties.

Can I return physical merchandise?

Yes — you have 30 days after receiving your item to request a return. It needs to be unworn/unused, in original packaging, with proof of purchase. Email hq@stiffcompetition.shop to start a return; items sent back without an approved request won't be accepted. Custom, personalized, or sale items aren't eligible for return.

My order arrived damaged or wrong — what do I do?

Inspect your order as soon as it arrives and email hq@stiffcompetition.shop right away if anything's defective, damaged, or incorrect, so it can be sorted out.

How long do refunds take once approved?

Once a return is approved, you're automatically refunded to your original payment method within 10 business days. Bank/card processing can add a bit more time on top of that. If it's been more than 15 business days since approval, email hq@stiffcompetition.shop.

What sizes do the t-shirts and hoodies come in?

Apparel is fulfilled via Gelato's standard print-on-demand sizing — check the size chart on each product page for exact measurements before ordering, since fit can vary slightly by garment style.

Who are the Stiff Competition characters?

Six 1994-era action figure archetypes: Major Wood, Rear Admiral, Hammerin' Hanky, The Grip, Slick Willy, and Velvet Python — an ongoing story property, not a one-off origin drop.

What major products does Stiff Competition sell?

Print-on-demand merchandise — mugs, t-shirts, hoodies, tote bags and museum-quality art prints — plus digital downloads such as wallpapers and sticker packs, all featuring the six Stiff Competition characters. Collectible one-of-one pieces are released on OpenSea.

What are the SC stat traits?

Each collectible piece carries a set of parody "stat" traits in the same spirit as 90s trading cards — Friction Force, Innuendo Intensity, Tactical Girth and Structural Rigidity, each scored numerically. They are part of the collectible's playful character rather than a technical spec.

What payment methods do you accept?

Standard checkout payment methods — major credit/debit cards, and options like Shop Pay, Apple Pay, Google Pay and PayPal where shown.

How do I track my order?

For physical merchandise, you'll get a tracking link by email as soon as your item is dispatched from the fulfillment center. Digital downloads arrive by email immediately after checkout.

Do you offer discount codes or promotions?

Join the mailing list on the site for updates on drops and any promotions — that's the best way to hear about anything currently running.

How do I contact Stiff Competition?

Email hq@stiffcompetition.shop for anything — orders, returns or general enquiries.

What law governs my purchase?

All purchases and site use are governed by the laws of England and Wales, with courts of England and Wales having exclusive jurisdiction over any disputes.

OPENSEA The Blueprint lands on OpenSea on 17 November See the collection

Collection: THE VELVET PYTHON

From the file

The Velvet Python is the only figure in Series One finished in two materials — a matte velvet texture against high-gloss snakeskin — and the only one that would have required a second pass at final inspection.

The June quality notice permits no tolerance at inspection and rejects any unit failing to hold set position under load. Applied to a two-material finish, that standard is considerably harder to meet, which may explain why he carries the highest Tactical Girth rating in the line and one of the lowest Friction Force scores.

A shed-skin cape is listed against him in the planned accessory pack.

The RIGID-DYNE Papers · The Roster