How long does physical merchandise take to arrive?

Physical items (mugs, t-shirts, hoodies, totes, prints) are custom-made to order through regional print-on-demand fulfillment. Allow 2–5 business days for production, then 3–7 business days transit once it ships — you'll get a tracking link by email the moment it's dispatched.

Do I have to pay customs or import fees?

Usually not. Orders route automatically to the closest regional fulfillment center to you (UK, USA, Canada, Europe, Australia, or New Zealand), so most orders within those markets don't incur international customs fees or import duties.

Can I return physical merchandise?

Yes — you have 30 days after receiving your item to request a return. It needs to be unworn/unused, in original packaging, with proof of purchase. Email hq@stiffcompetition.shop to start a return; items sent back without an approved request won't be accepted. Custom, personalized, or sale items aren't eligible for return.

My order arrived damaged or wrong — what do I do?

Inspect your order as soon as it arrives and email hq@stiffcompetition.shop right away if anything's defective, damaged, or incorrect, so it can be sorted out.

How long do refunds take once approved?

Once a return is approved, you're automatically refunded to your original payment method within 10 business days. Bank/card processing can add a bit more time on top of that. If it's been more than 15 business days since approval, email hq@stiffcompetition.shop.

What sizes do the t-shirts and hoodies come in?

Apparel is fulfilled via Gelato's standard print-on-demand sizing — check the size chart on each product page for exact measurements before ordering, since fit can vary slightly by garment style.

Who are the Stiff Competition characters?

Six 1994-era action figure archetypes: Major Wood, Rear Admiral, Hammerin' Hanky, The Grip, Slick Willy, and Velvet Python — an ongoing story property, not a one-off origin drop.

What major products does Stiff Competition sell?

Print-on-demand merchandise — mugs, t-shirts, hoodies, tote bags and museum-quality art prints — plus digital downloads such as wallpapers and sticker packs, all featuring the six Stiff Competition characters. Collectible one-of-one pieces are released on OpenSea.

What are the SC stat traits?

Each collectible piece carries a set of parody "stat" traits in the same spirit as 90s trading cards — Friction Force, Innuendo Intensity, Tactical Girth and Structural Rigidity, each scored numerically. They are part of the collectible's playful character rather than a technical spec.

What payment methods do you accept?

Standard checkout payment methods — major credit/debit cards, and options like Shop Pay, Apple Pay, Google Pay and PayPal where shown.

How do I track my order?

For physical merchandise, you'll get a tracking link by email as soon as your item is dispatched from the fulfillment center. Digital downloads arrive by email immediately after checkout.

Do you offer discount codes or promotions?

Join the mailing list on the site for updates on drops and any promotions — that's the best way to hear about anything currently running.

How do I contact Stiff Competition?

Email hq@stiffcompetition.shop for anything — orders, returns or general enquiries.

What law governs my purchase?

All purchases and site use are governed by the laws of England and Wales, with courts of England and Wales having exclusive jurisdiction over any disputes.

Velvet Python Funny Christmas T-Shirt | Stiff Competition

Collectors say

★★★★★
“Six Major Wood mugs in the cupboard, the Major stands tall for whoever opens it.”
Bill, UK · Major Wood Tactical Morning Ordnance mug
★★★★★
“The Stiff and Slippery Ringer t-shirt gets a reaction every single time.”
Bill, UK · Stiff & Slippery ringer tee
★★★★★
“The Grip on my wall finally. Making a whole difference with the firm look and great colors 🍁”
Joey, Canada · The Grip museum print
★★★★★
“So easy and practical to use the site and so safe to pay with PayPal 😎”
Joey, Canada · Hammerin' Hanky #0002
★★★★★
“First collectible piece ever bought online. The colors are so amazing that all the series can be bought without even having second thoughts.”
Joey, Canada · Major Wood Blueprint #0135
★★★★★
“When you start collecting these you don't stop. Third one in my collection and I can assure you the list is going to be long.”
Joey, Canada · Blueprint #0435

Classic unisex crewneck, Gildan 64000
Soft feel, 100% ring-spun cotton on solid colours
Direct-to-garment (DTG) print, printed on demand
Seamless double-needle collar, tubular fit, tear-away label
SC-94 T-Shirts, 1994 Series, Christmas 2026

UNWRAP ME. SLOWLY.

The Velvet Python is wrapped in red velvet and gold tinsel, and he is in no hurry at all. Unwrap me slowly. A Christmas special from the 1994 Stiff Competition range, on a soft ring-spun cotton crewneck. Always standing tall.

Details

UNWRAP ME. SLOWLY.

Topped with the "Always Standing Tall" motto and the "Stiff Competition" Est. 1994 branding.

Classic unisex crewneck, Gildan 64000
Soft feel, 100% ring-spun cotton on solid colours
Direct-to-garment (DTG) print, printed on demand
Seamless double-needle collar, tubular fit, tear-away label
SC-94 T-Shirts, 1994 Series, Christmas 2026

SC-94 CHRISTMAS T-SHIRT: THE VELVET PYTHON

Details

Country/region

Country/region

SC-94 CHRISTMAS T-SHIRT: THE VELVET PYTHON

Details

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